From Negative to Positive
I always wondered what it would be like to feel always happy but no matter where I went or what I did, my mind was always filled with negative thoughts, sadness, loneliness, doubts, and worries. I carried stress, worries, and regrets everywhere ? to my family, my friends, to my work. Everything was still the same.
I really wanted to improve my life but the older I was getting the worse I felt. I was becoming more nervous and more impatient. I found that the smallest things would make me very angry to the point where I completely lost control over myself. I would cry uncontrollably, yell, complain, and blame everybody. I would worry over things I had no control over. I doubted everything.
When I was little I started showing all kinds of strange behavior. I didn’t want to be like this but I couldn’t help it. After I started going to school I had a very hard time making friends. I was very shy and introverted. I stayed at home a lot. I only had one or two friends. At home my mom and dad spoiled me very much. I was their favorite daughter, the smartest, the prettiest, and they wanted me to have a family and be successful. Because of this I felt a lot of pride and superiority and when I went out, if somebody wasn’t like me I didn’t get along with them and I looked down on them. So at school I started pretending to be sick so my mom would come to pick me up and I could go home with her.
Because of my strong attachment to my mom I did these things. When I was 9 years old I was sent to the hospital because I constantly complained about stomach aches. However, they couldn’t find any illness so I was sent to a psychologist who said I had a mind problem. But they weren’t able to help me either.
I come from a small village in Slovakia and I thought that maybe I could find what I was looking for in America. So when I was 19 years old I came as an au pair to New York. I thought that people in America had some kind of special secret about being happy. But soon after I arrived in America I realized that I wasn’t any happier and people here in America didn’t appear to be happy either.
I thought that if I got married then my life would be better and I would be happier. But shortly after getting married I found out that my husband had a substance abuse problem. After my husband went to rehab I started getting more depressed. I became very controlling of him, followed him everywhere and checked on him all the time. I was very suspicious of him, very jealous of him and I blamed him for everything. When something made me mad I would unconsciously take it out on him and I would start fights with him for no reason. Then I would be angry for days. I wouldn’t talk to him and it would take me a long time to make peace with him. I did this because I wanted to prove that I was right and that nobody was better than me. I became more depressed and I started taking pills for depression and anxiety. I took a lot of different kinds of anti-anxiety and depression medications over the course of several years but they made me feel worse. I felt like a zombie. I felt detached from everything, like I was not alive, like life was just going in front of me and I wasn’t even a part of it. I lost interest in lots of things.
It became harder to go to work. I work with children and I would always yell at them. I was very nervous because I always had other things on my mind while taking care of them. I felt very cold and distant but I became very attached to children I looked after at work. I would think about them all the time and worry about them even though they weren’t mine. I thought somehow I could help them but I only created more stress for myself. I used to be very strongly opinionated and because of that I would get into conflicts with people I worked for and I would suffer a lot. I didn’t understand people and I couldn’t accept their opinions. I thought everybody was stupid and nobody knew anything. I felt like I was living in a nightmare with no way out.
I can’t imagine what would have happened to me or what I would be like today if I didn’t find this meditation. After doing this meditation just for a few weeks I started noticing a big difference inside of me. After finishing the first level I felt like somebody started taking an enormous weight off my shoulders. I started feeling really light inside, like I was flying. So I wanted to keep that feeling and I wanted to be lighter and lighter. So I kept coming back to the meditation center. After a month of doing this meditation my husband and I went to visit my in-laws in NY who we haven’t seen in over a year. When my mother in law first saw us she said that we look like 5 years younger.
After doing this meditation I started noticing I was changing. The changes happened naturally without anybody forcing me to change or teaching me something new. I started realizing on my own through this method that my mind and body were not a real existence and that human mind, my mind, was just an illusion. The more I threw away my illusionary mind world, the more I felt the changes.
My relationship with my husband has dramatically turned around. I no longer have to blame him for things and I can discuss things with him now and actually come to agreement or solution. As my mind started changing to universe mind, my point of view completely changed. I can now look at the world without “the self” getting in the way.
My husband can’t believe how much I changed. He says I smile more in one day than I used to in a month. I became more accepting and more thankful to him. I can accept his opinions without judgment and negativity. My anger also went away. If we have some kind of disagreement I naturally stay very calm and patient until it’s resolved. And I feel very light inside and always present. My mind is always clear.
I don’t have the need to be taking any kind of medication anymore. My depression and anxiety naturally just disappeared. I found a new way of life. I became interested in things that I wasn’t before. I learned how to live simply without all the clutter and without any stress. And I can live without obsessing about things. If something is not working out for me I can very easily let it go from my mind, just throw it away and I feel free. I don’t obsess about chasing money or a career. I just live naturally and accept the world as it is. If I make a lot of money it’s okay and if I make just a little bit it’s also ok because either way I am happy and free beyond words.
All of the stress and burden I used to have inside of me are completely gone. All the sadness, loneliness, anger, and anxiety just melted away. When I threw away the pictures from my mind that contained all the negative feelings, they finally disappeared. I never cry or lose control of myself anymore.
Thanks to this method I realized how much pain and worries I caused to my family and to my husband because of my strong attachment to them. When I let go of that self-centered attachment, then my family and husband also changed. They are always happy to be around me and are free from my judgments.
My work life also turned from a burden to a gift, from negative to positive. Whereas the children used to seem to avoid me, now they run to me because I can care for them unconditionally. They want to play with me all the time and then don’t want me to go home when I finish my work. They feel very comfortable around me and I feel very comfortable around them too. I am always balanced and calm. Since my consciousness changed my way of thinking changed too. Through this meditation I gained a natural wisdom, knowing all the principles of the world. Regardless of what happens, my mind is always happy, free, and calm.
Now I see the world completely differently ? from the viewpoint of the world itself. I know that my mind is one with the mind of the world. This meditation is the perfect method for everyone to become free from their delusional stress, worries and anxiety. We don’t have to live like a useless existence anymore, just chasing around money, fame, love, or material things and never being satisfied. The meditation will show the entire world how to live eternally in a world full of joy, happiness, and complete freedom. Because of the meditation every moment is filled with joy, laughter, and life. I do not have the words to express how grateful I am to this meditation. I hope that everyone in the world will one day know the absolute bliss of becoming your true self.