Since I Started Meditation So Much Has Changed for Me
In my twenties I began searching for answers to all the bigger questions in life and searching for my “true self” through new ways. I began seeking many spiritual and self-help books, studied human development, did yoga, tried different types of natural healing, joined spiritual and religious groups, and tried various types of meditation. This helped me keep an optimistic perspective on life, but still I always felt there was something missing. My ultimate dream was to start my own “holistic healing center” where people could become healthier and find their true purpose in life. I had always thought that if people did what they were truly passionate about by being true to their self, there would be a peaceful world. I always felt this was a vital missing part of our education system. People needed to learn just how to live. People are taught so many things in school, yet they never really know how to live well. With these big aspirations there was one problem that I kept running into; I had no idea how people could really find their true self when I still felt insecure within my own self. Even as I chased all of these “big dreams”, I had so many fears holding me back and I never felt I was good enough to accomplish anything. I always felt inferior to everyone around me and felt embarrassed for having such a big dream. Having the lack of confidence in myself, made me hide those big dreams from myself. This led me to choosing a job that I was comfortable with and gave me security. I figured I should be satisfied with just that.
In December of 2010 my brother invited me to come visit him in Korea where he had been teaching English for the past year. After he finished his time teaching he completed all the levels of this meditation at the main center in Korea. Through the process of his meditation I had many Skype conversations with him and noticed he had become much more happy, relaxed and satisfied with his life. I was very curious what made him change since before he had never shared about his satisfaction in life. I told him I wanted to come visit and try this meditation. I was quite excited about the whole adventure and came with a very open mind.
Once I started this meditation I quickly realized that this was not like any other type of meditation I have ever heard about or tried. The method was very specific, but simple. All of the people I met at the center seemed real, caring, and genuine. This was such a breath of fresh air for me. In the past, when searching for a spiritual outlet I found different types of churches or spiritual groups and noticed that the people still seemed fake or uncomfortable with themselves. When I noticed all of the genuine care and the comfortable environment at the center I knew something real was going on here. The time I spent at the main center was very inspiring. I felt it was easy to communicate, even though we didn’t speak the same language. A big smile seemed to be the only thing that needed to be shared. As I started my travels back home I realized that already things weren’t as stressful as they had usually been for me. I noticed I felt very relaxed and peaceful.
When I got back to San Francisco I began meditating at the Berkeley local center, which was not always easy to get to, especially during the high traffic hours plus a bridge toll. Many days I didn’t want to go because I knew of the long journey ahead, but in the end it was always worth it. Each time I got to the center I was so grateful to sit down to a delicious meal and eager to discard many minds.
Before I started meditation I always dreaded the walk to and from work, on the way to work I would practically be at work already in my mind and began to become stressed out about the day before I started working. And when leaving work I would be thinking about what I needed to get done next or I would play back the day in my mind and judge whether it was a good day or not. I rarely would be able to just enjoy the moment. Since then, I now enjoy every minute of the walks and notice the sky and all of my surroundings. The meditation really helped me stop a lot of needless and stressful thinking.
One of the largest health benefits I received from meditation was a lot more energy. I had been a preschool teacher for the past two years for over 9 hours a day. Working with young children can take a lot of energy. I used to always take a nap on my lunch break because I felt so exhausted and eat a big lunch to keep going for the rest of the day. After work I would drop down on the couch, watch television, eat dinner, and go to bed. I rarely had energy to do much more than that. When I started meditating I noticed I wasn’t taking naps anymore, I had lost weight, my body felt lighter, I was motivated to do other things after work and my overall health felt much better. I used to get sick all the time from the children, but since meditation I rarely get any symptoms of sickness. My immune system has become much stronger. I also had realized that I had been storing a lot of my daily stresses in my body. My back and shoulders often had a lot tension and pain. I remember one specific day I came to meditate after work and I had been experiencing a lot of back pain for a couple of weeks and was feeling very exhausted. That night I was able to meditate very deeply and threw away a lot. When I left the meditation center I no longer had ANY back pain and was full of energy. I was so amazed that I literally had tears in my eyes as I walked out the door and questioned how such a miracle could happen! That’s when I knew the pain in my body is only from what is stored in my mind.
The relationships with my family and friends have been greatly improved. Even though I live far away from my family I still managed to get stressed out talking with my parents. Before I always felt I was being judged or I was judging them by the smallest things that were said. Realizing all of these judgments I made or thought that were being made about me were only coming from myself. I started to be able to stop blaming others for what was in my own mind. Since meditation, I am now able to be with people in the moment and just enjoy my friends and family much more simply.
My constant seeking for spiritual answers and ways to live better has ceased. I have realized we don’t need to add anything to understand the true nature of the Universe. Addition actually makes it harder. I have really realized we are here to get rid of the false attachments in the mind and body. We have accumulated so much garbage in our minds which makes our bodies feel heavy and a consistent yearning to feel better. The human mind has many creative ways of making quick fixes to feel better, but I have realized that meditation is truly to most effective answer.
Since I started this meditation so much has changed for me. I realized the dream I had about creating my own healing center was only about achieving and proving something to myself, and no one else. I am the only one who would be able to experience the satisfaction of that achievement. This was such a selfish perspective. Even myself that wanted to help others was only plotting for myself in the end. I have really been able to see and understand how self- centered the human mind is, which has led me to know the true importance for everyone to live together in the world as one. The meditation is able to bring forth the most genuinely happy true self. I know where I am going now. Living on this earth has become much more satisfying. My mind feels much more clear. I am so grateful to the meditation as it is showing me the path to the true world. This meditation method is perfect as it is. It is very simple and anyone who is willing can do it easily. I encourage anyone and everyone to open their mind now to live together as one by discarding the self-centered mind. Why wouldn’t anyone want to live in complete freedom of mind and everlasting happiness? I don’t know. 🙂